Are you watching the Oscars? I am. I watch for the gowns but I really watch for the moments, the tear jerk minute where the actor is holding the award and thanking his wife, his kids, his mother and I drip all over my sweater. One actor just said “call your mom, don’t text her, call her if you’re lucky enough to still have her here on this earth” and that got me to crying, flicking tears trickling from beneath my glasses. That’s how it is. That’s how it will be. I’ll look for tears and find them peeling down my face. Someone will mention their mom and I’ll think of mine and I’ll cry. That’s okay, that’s what’s up, that’s the way the cookie crumbles and the ball bounces. I had no idea what my life would look like after Laverne died. I knew it wouldn’t be the same, but I didn’t know it wouldn’t ever be the same. How could I have known that I’d never again be able to watch the Oscars and feel safe from an emotional break? Who knew I’d someday be at the mall and trickle at the sight of a middle aged woman with her old mother? Who knew? So, I sit here writing you while watching actor after actor claim her prize and fight her own tears while I lose the battle with mine.
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