A few years ago when I was 26 (well more than a few) I heard my pastor Reverend Vickie say when everything around you is falling down, watch out, your breakthrough is coming. Of course, since I was 26, I knew everything and she, a woman of 40-something, knew nothing. Now, years and tears and losses later, I realize she was completely right and I was completely clueless. I still am but at least I’m wise enough to know that I am only, at each moment, doing the best I can. Each morning I slither out of bed, tuck my head down tight and head out into a morning brilliant with uncertainty. Each moment of each day I just try to stay above the water and I give myself props when I manage not to fail. I am insecure, grief-riddled, petty, unsure, fabulous, effective, and hopeful. I am 49 years of slip ups and A plusses, spine-tingling victories and bone-chilling losses. At night, when I insert myself inside the sheets, I smile a little bit, a tiny bit, not because I am fret-free but because I still am. If my breakthrough is coming, I’ll check the schedule to see which train to wait for. In the meantime, I’m going to keep on writing you every night even when my life feels darkest. I love how you listen.